Scheherazade Washington Parrish

I was rummaging through all of my social media outlets and came across this question on my Ask.fm page.

Seems timely enough.

That said, friends, I appreciate your continued support of my separation from the Facebook.

ask.fm/sixwordcoaching — Ask Scheherazade

Anytime actions move from the goal to the person or feeling, you’ve moved from supporter to enabler.

Supporting doesn’t ‘become’ enabling. These gestures have very different energies. Take a minute and say, “support”

How does that feel in your body?

Now say, “enable”

Eww, right?

There’s one difference.

I’d have to say that support typically is attached to a goal.

Support moves us closer to the goal. This does not always mean that we feel good in the moment of action. “Tough love” I’ve heard it called.Enabling, is attached to a person or an emotion. If your actions aren’t moving you closer to a goal, then you’re enabling.

Still not sure? Here are a couple questions to ask yourself:

Is this person doing their level best to help them self?
Am I afraid that not doing something will cause a blowup or make the person angry with me?
Are my actions motivated by pity or guilt?
Am I helping this person to take advantage of their full potential?
Have my actions resulted in progress?
Do I feel my help isn’t appreciated or acknowledged?
Do I ignore unacceptable behavior?
Am I resentful of the responsibilities I’ve taken on?
What harm can come from my actions?
Do I lie to cover for someone else’s actions?

Thanks for your question!!

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Have a question? ASK me here.

heat: (n)

the quality of being hot; high temperature.
intensity of feeling, especially of anger or excitement. (Source: Google Search)

I can’t take either.

I can remember summers where, my only goal was to get my skin to be as deep and rich as my mother’s. I would lie out in the sun and take in every ray.

I also remember turning on my space heater faithfully, every day, in my Corporate America cubicle.

I remember loving heat.

I remember loving the newness of adventure.

I have never loved anxiety. Or arguments. Or fighting.

These days, I can’t take any of it. Not the summer heat, not the heat of feeling deeply, not the feeling or fallout of anger. These days, I can’t even take too much excitement. I shut down. Can’t take it.

Heat causes change. And when things change, I freeze. I call this introspection. My therapist calls this Adjustment Disorder, with depressed mood.

What this looks like on me, is sitting around, replaying the event ad infinitum and thinking of/creating possible different scenarios and outcomes. Like I said, I thought I was introspecting. At one time, I thought that “processing” the barrage of what ifs and I should’ves and she/he must thinks was me, taking inventory, taking responsibility, and finally moving on.

And, normally, it could be. Thing is, it would be a year later, and I, was still “processing”.

I bunny ear processing, because I recognize that this is an integral function. It is the only means we have of navigating the world around us. I wasn’t doing that. I was responding to stress through debilitating thought patterns.

These days, I am able to recognize when I’m sliding down the slope.

Today is one of these days:

*Kitchen. August 2016. Mixed media: low mood, feelings of hopelessness.*

Y’all know I hate cleaning the kitchen, as is. Maybe it’s because I have to face my shit. The piles and piles of things I need to function, buried under old food and mold. I have to really look at and accept myself. Then I have to clean my mess. Mold and slime in the sink, mold and slime in the mind. Both unhealthy. Both the result of old that should’ve been gone long ago. Food = Thoughts.

I’m cleaning up both. This is Day 4.

Xo,

Tag: mental health

Supporting vs. Enabling. What are you doing?

I Confess. I Can’t Take The Heat.