Love Letters

Relationship Coaching with Scheherazade Washington Parrish, CPC
Love/ Parenting/ Social

When is it too soon to introduce the kids to my new boyfriend? ( Iris)

(This letter is originally published on www.hiphopsexpert.com)

I get letters, and talk to people all day about relationships:

 

Usually somewhere between breakup and breakdown.

Today, was Iris.

When we met in December, she was entrenched in a 3.5 year relationship with a married man. He was going to leave his family, and they were going to finally be able to live out loud. Facebook pictures cheek to cheek…and the terms were, if he didn’t honor his part of their agreement, that she was “outta there” …

-fast forward-

…”we broke up in June when he didn’t leave his wife on schedule- (am I the only one not surprised by this) -It took me the whole summer to get through it. I finally met Dave and he was like, hey life can be better…we’ve been inseparable since our 2nd date…my heart is on my sleeve with this guy

I’m beyond stupid and it’s only a month. I’m part terrified… part overjoyed. I want to scream I love you, but instead I’m like… yeah I’m crazy about you”

It’s been a month and we’ve been talking about him moving in with me. When is it appropriate to have your kids around your man?

Iris,

You just got out of a 3.5 year relationship with a married man, thinking that he was going to actually leave his family. You’ve been seeing a man for one month, and you’re ready to move him in, though you don’t think you’d ever remarry.

Dating with children, Dating after Divorce
Hi! You’ll be calling me “Dad” in no time!

 

I can’t give you a cookie cutter timeline, I can ask you what’s on my mind.

Here goes:

I’m curious to know what makes moving a man who you’ve know for thirty days, in with you and your children, a good idea?

Will your children have the chance to develop a relationship with him before he moves in, or as he moves in?

 

How much have you learned about this person within a month, after the kids are in bed?

Does he like children? Does he have any of his own?

What are his expectations about his role with your children once he moves in?

How do you move someone in and not be able to say “I love you” to them?

I hope you’re reading, and I hope your answers help shed some clarity on your situation. Bottom line, sounds like you’re moving your booty call in. You have to determine for yourself if it’s worth it to you to make this change to your family. Consider all the lives affected by your decision. Keep in touch, and let me know what you come up with.

You’re worth it!-

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Thank you for growing with me.

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