Originally posted May 5, 2010-
May is Women’s Health Month. It’s also the celebration of
my birthday all things Scheherazade, which I will refer to hereafter as Scheherapalooza.
If you’re a facebook follower, you’ll find the birthday celebration chronicled there. You also know that I’ve been trying to track my Cigarette Free Days there. I figured that I’d start to chronicle the rest of my journey here, along with my other missives toward my ongoing mission of creating habits of happiness, and health.
I’ve smoked off and on for about 12 years now. Seems like the onset of my habit came right along the time my then most serious heartbreak occurred. I found my fiance to be a cheater, and to be expecting a child, 10 months before our planned wedding date. My world turned upside down, my soul split in two, and grabbing a cigarette seemed like the thing to do. After all, that’s what I’d seen my mother, aunts, and various women go for the pack under duress.
(By the way, I’m interested in finding out what about me, attracts men who cheat on me…stay tuned for THAT story)
I also watched my mother die of lung cancer. One of the most painfully drawn out processes ever to be witnessed. Interestingly, rather than immediately toss my pack and commit to a smoke free life, I delved deeper into the habit. Go figure.
I celebrated my 35th birthday just last week, and decided to give myself the gift of health. I made the decision that, in light of the reality that my marriage had a 90% chance of ending in divorce and all of the stress that accompanies that– (studies report that divorce causes more stress than any other single event, with the exception of the death of a spouse)– I deserve to be healthy, happy, and strong.
I made the decision to go at it Cold Turkey, which, I wouldn’t necessarily recommend to those for whom smoking is an addiction. Because I can go days without smoking, and will refrain from smoking when in the company of non-smokers, I’ve deduced that what I have is a bad habit. A poor coping mechanism, rather than an addiction.
That said…what does Day 5 feel like?
Well… feels pretty okay, until I’m faced with a stressful situation. That’s when I most crave a smoke. I FEEL the location of the stress in my body…a whirl of discomfort in my gut. I don’t like it. I understand in the absence of smoking, that the smoking numbed this feeling.
In The Ultimate Happiness Prescription, Deepak Chopra explains that if you are “with” your feelings, that you can actually differentiate them…say, fear from anger, based on where they lie physically. Chopra says that anger is felt in the gut…Which makes perfect sense. Every time I think of my marriage, my husband the whole she-bang…I get sick to my stomach.
Of course I’m angry. Now, the challenge is finding a healthy way to deal with and diffuse my anger.
Wanna read the book? Get it here:
What are some healthy ways that YOU deal with anger?